It's Time.
I woke up at 4:18am today with a bad headache. Yes, I slept late for I had difficulty sleeping last night. I think I dozed off at around 1:30ish. I tried to sleep again and woke up to my alarm. 5:30am. It's a Monday, and yes, my heart is still heavy.
Easter holiday was just over, and I have slightly made myself soak into more of the Lord by putting away earthly distractions, including you. You know I want to talk to you everyday. You know you're the one who completes my day. I haven't seen you during this quarantine we're having, and I miss you so much. Anyway, I had the opportunity to pray harder during the holiday, and it was lovely. I felt closer to God.
I don't know, but after the Easter holiday you still haven't replied to my last message to you. I didn't send you another message. I don't know, I don't feel like bugging you anymore, even though I do that every single day regardless you reply or not. I feel a sense of tiredness that I know I am already feeling before but I just shrug it off. I feel very tired of just being given time only when it's convenient to you. I'm tired of being broken for the same reasons over and over again yet I still keep on hanging on. I remember your words about time-- "Who are you to demand that?"
Who am I really? I think it's about time that I find myself without you. I have always identified myself for who you want me to be. I know, you wanted the best for me. I know you love me. However, I think now is the best time to identify myself without you in the picture.
Maybe I am just tired. Maybe it's just today. Maybe I will come back crawling to you again like what I have done a million times before. But you know, I want to break this cycle.
I close my eyes. My heart is heavy.
I hope you don't reply to me today.
Easter holiday was just over, and I have slightly made myself soak into more of the Lord by putting away earthly distractions, including you. You know I want to talk to you everyday. You know you're the one who completes my day. I haven't seen you during this quarantine we're having, and I miss you so much. Anyway, I had the opportunity to pray harder during the holiday, and it was lovely. I felt closer to God.
I don't know, but after the Easter holiday you still haven't replied to my last message to you. I didn't send you another message. I don't know, I don't feel like bugging you anymore, even though I do that every single day regardless you reply or not. I feel a sense of tiredness that I know I am already feeling before but I just shrug it off. I feel very tired of just being given time only when it's convenient to you. I'm tired of being broken for the same reasons over and over again yet I still keep on hanging on. I remember your words about time-- "Who are you to demand that?"
Who am I really? I think it's about time that I find myself without you. I have always identified myself for who you want me to be. I know, you wanted the best for me. I know you love me. However, I think now is the best time to identify myself without you in the picture.
Maybe I am just tired. Maybe it's just today. Maybe I will come back crawling to you again like what I have done a million times before. But you know, I want to break this cycle.
I close my eyes. My heart is heavy.
I hope you don't reply to me today.
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